


Ease My Mind

by ink_writes16



Series: The Last Piece in the Grand Scheme [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Here is the missing comfort, M/M, Vague mention of abuse but its more like hinting toward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29558487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_writes16/pseuds/ink_writes16
Summary: "I keep my emotions to myself and I’m okay with that.”“Until you’re not,” Hen said. “Eddie, those feelings will come out. One way or another. But before they do, they’re going to get twisted and messed up and changed into something else. And that can be the real problem.”
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: The Last Piece in the Grand Scheme [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2171580
Comments: 12
Kudos: 110





	Ease My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> You guys really seemed to enjoy the last part and that was amazing; it made it easier to write the part 2 that you all requested ;)

Eddie’s legs were burning and his chest was tight and he’d forgotten to grab a water bottle before he left. But he kept going. He ran the rest of the way to the station, up the stairs and to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle out of the fridge.

His abuela had stayed the night and so Eddie had left hours earlier than usual. He’d put his earbuds in and turned on some playlist his sister had made for him. He started running and didn’t stop until he got to the station and then had kept running, then circled back.

And no matter how far he’d run, his problem was still waiting for him at the firehouse, leaning against the rig or in the gym.

He saw Hen approaching the counter and he smiled his greeting, pulling his headphones out.

“So what happened with you and Buck the other day?”

Eddie groaned. “Chimney told you about that?”

“Of course Chimney told me,” she said, leaning a shoulder against the fridge. “Are _you_ going to tell me why?” Eddie’s eyes landed on Buck, who was coming into the building, and she followed his gaze. “Oh, so, you took my advice?”

Eddie laughed softly and looked at the bottle in his hands as he leaned back against the counter. “He said he wasn’t into guys,” he said with a forced smile and a tone that was a little too calm.

“You know that’s bullshit, right?” Hen asked. “Even if he doesn’t know it. But with the way that boy looks at you, I’m surprised he’s into girls at all.”

Eddie laughed again. “Yeah, but then he disappeared off the face of the earth for a week and expected me to take him out.”

“Wait a minute, he threw himself at you and you turned him away?” She smacked his arm. “You idiot!”

He pulled his arm away. “I didn’t know that’s what he was doing, _first of all._ Second… I may have lied to him about having a date.”

“Why?!”

He shrugged, “I dunno! He just… I didn’t want him to do anything out of obligation.”

“So how did the _fight_ start?”

Eddie swallowed. “It wasn't a fight, I just...pushed him. We both got angry, I made a comment about how he doesn’t know how to move on and brought up Abby.” Hen nodded, realizing his mistake. “He brought up Shannon and I… I lost it.”

“And that was on him,” Hen said simply. “He shouldn’t have brought her up, not like that-“

“Everyone’s been saying that,” Eddie said, moving away as he got louder. “But I did the same thing with Abby and no one has said anything.”

Hen furrowed her brows. “Abby’s different. She’s not dead.”

“She might as well be.”

“Are you seriously mad because no one’s calling you out?” She asked, tilting her head slightly. He hesitated and shook his head.

“No, no, sorry, I’m just-“ He took a deep breath and sat on the stool across from her. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you talked to him since?” Eddie nodded silently. “What happened?”

“He came by my place and he tried to apologize. I didn’t know what to say to him; hell, I still don’t.”

“Okay…” She said thoughtfully, sitting next to him. “What _did_ you say?”

Eddie sighed again and looked at his hands. “I went off on him. He said he wanted things to go back to normal and I told him that it couldn’t.”

“I know there’s more, Diaz,” she smirked, bumping his shoulder. “What else?”

He looked up at her. “Buck wears his heart out on his sleeve, he shows his emotions so easily and he’s not afraid of that. But I- I can’t. I keep my emotions to myself and I’m okay with that.”

“Until you’re not,” Hen said. “Eddie, those feelings will come out. One way or another. But before they do, they’re going to get twisted and messed up and changed into something else. And that can be the real problem.”

He listened to her, his eyes trained on the floor and his hands twisting the bottle in his hands. He knew she was right and he knew that he couldn’t ignore Buck forever.

“I’m so proud of you- look at me,” she said, nudging him. When he met her eyes, she started again. “I’m so proud of how you let yourself be vulnerable with him, I know thats not easy for you. And you’re right, he didn’t appreciate that, but he tried to apologize.”

“I’ll talk to him,” he conceded softly. She looked behind him and gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze before she stood.

“I’ll give you two a couple minutes.”

He watched her go until his eyes landed on Buck, waiting by the couches. He smiled at Hen as she passed. Eddie sighed and turned away from him again.

“How much of that did you hear?” Eddie asked.

“Just the tail end of it...”

Eddie didn’t look at him but he felt Buck sit next to him, an awkward silence filling the space between them.

“I didn’t... I didn’t mean to make everything so complicated,” Buck attempted, glancing over at him. “You said we can work our way to a new normal...”

“You said you didn’t want a new normal,” Eddie said, sitting up a little bit and looking in the opposite direction.

“I don’t _know_ what I want.” Buck put his hand on Eddie’s arm; he could feel the tension in every muscle. “I just... tell me what _you_ want.”

“I just want you to be honest,” he shrugged, finally looking at Buck. He searched his eyes and saw a new kind of fear and sincerity blossoming there.

“You want honesty?” There was a hint of anger and apprehension in the question. Eddie gave a small nod and the other shot up, walking toward the couches. Eddie didn’t follow; he just watched.

“ _Honestly…_ all of this scares me. Even before you came to me last week, I wasn’t ready to start dating anyone because I wasn’t what anyone _needed_. No, it’s true! Maybe it was because I wasn’t enough for them but I think I just couldn’t give them what they needed. With Abby: she need someone she could grow with, and I wasn’t him. With Ali: she needed consistency and she needed someone who could, without a doubt, tell her they’d be home at night.”

Eddie stood and stepped toward him. “Buck-“

He sat down and took Eddie’s hand, pulling him down with; he tangled their fingers together with a determined speed, but when Eddie looked up at his face there was a hesitation.

“I don’t know what you need, Eddie, and I don’t know if I can be what you need. And that, _honestly_... that _terrifies_ me. You’re my best friend and I can’t mess this up more than I already have.”

The words hit Eddie like a ten pound weight. He was so used to providing for the needs of others- for Christopher, Shannon, Abuela, his parents. He literally got paid to put other’s needs before his own on a _daily_ basis. And, now, one of the _most_ important people in his life had just put his needs before their own and Eddie didn’t know how to react to that.

“I...I just need you, Evan,” he replied in a quiet voice, covering their entwined hands with his free one. Buck’s expression softened at that. It was the first time Eddie had called him by his name. And it just felt so... so _right_ ; he could tell Buck thought so too.

“And about yesterday, in the locker room, I didn’t...”

“Eds-“

“I just- you _know_ I’m not like that, Buck. I just got- and with _everything_ , and Shannon- I’m sorry, Buck.“

Buck squeezed his hand and shook his head. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have said it.”

“It’s _not_ okay. _I_ scared you and I don’t want to be the reason you feel that way.”

Buck watched him and shifted slightly, cupping his face. “I’m not mad, Eddie. And I’m not scared. Not of you and...and not of this.”

Eddie wasn’t entirely convinced and somehow, Buck knew that. He pulled Eddie close so his head was resting on Buck’s chest, the sound of his heart beat grounding Eddie.

“Breathe, babe,” Buck said softly and Eddie did, feeling their heart beats synchronize.

They sat in silence for a few moments. It wasn’t the same kind of heavy, anticipatory silence as before. No, this one was filled with hope and excitement and unsaid forgiveness and peace. Buck reached for his hand again and absentmindedly traced circles on the back of it with his thumb. Eddie smiled and watched the invisible trail Buck’s thumb left behind.

Eddie had gone so long feeling like he was looking for missing puzzle pieces and could never find one that fit just right. Shannon was close, just close enough that if he tried hard enough, it _did_ fit but the picture never looked quite right.

But with Buck, things had been easy, things had _always_ been easy. He always fit right in with Christopher and with Pepa and his Abuela. Even his parents liked him better than they’d ever liked Shannon.

“Hey, Eds?” He hummed in acknowledgement. There was a slight pause. “Do you... can I kiss you?”

Eddie sat up a little to look at him. “When did I become the risk taker?” He teased, his hand already sliding to the back of Buck’s neck; where it fit perfectly. Buck grinned and hooked a finger under Eddie’s chin as they got closer.

When their lips finally met it was like everything was falling into place.

And, later, when he was watching fondly as Buck and Chris played video games on his couch, when Buck threw him a casual, but sincere and affectionate smile, when he stepped back and looked, the picture was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> I think they're happy now but like who am I to say
> 
> Thank you guys so much for the massive wave of support that came with part one, it was truly insane to me how fast that it got hits and comments and everything. You're all truly amazing and I would die for each and every one of you


End file.
